Understanding Anxiety and Depression: My Personal Journey
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Understanding Anxiety and Depression: A Personal Journey
Many of us—especially here in the Philippines—hear the words “anxiety” and “depression” tossed around, but few truly grasp the depth behind them. I used to think they were just fleeting moments of fear or sadness—minor hiccups that would fade in a day or two. I was wrong, and I learned that the hard way.
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When It First Hit
In the last quarter of 2021, I began to notice an undercurrent of unease I couldn’t shake. My business—which had been my pride and safety net—started to wobble. As revenue declined, my expenses and bills stubbornly climbed. I felt trapped in a cycle I didn’t know how to break.
What really sank me wasn’t just the financial strain; it was the loneliness.
1. My friends and family were just as stretched—asking them for help felt unfair.
2. I feared their judgment of the decisions that got me here.
So, I tried to handle it all on my own.
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The Descent
Holding everything inside invited a storm I never saw coming:
- Relentless worry. Waking up with my heart racing over questions I couldn’t answer.
- Paralyzing doubt. Small decisions—what to eat, what to do—felt impossible.
- Crushing fatigue. Even talking on the phone left me exhausted.
These weren’t mere bad days; they were signs of real anxiety and depression. I felt like I was shrinking inside a box, with no way out.
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Why Sharing Matters
Turning inward cost me precious time and peace of mind. If you’re nodding along—if you’ve felt these same shadows creep in—know that you don’t have to face them alone. Over the next posts, I’ll peel back every layer of what I went through:
- The darkest thoughts and how they took over my days
- The moment I realized I needed help
- Practical steps that helped me rebuild
If you find yourself here, let this be your invitation to open up. You deserve understanding—and relief—just as much as anyone else.
Reflections on My Journey Through Anxiety and Faith
The Weight of Anxiety
Each morning I wake up with a knot in my chest, dreading the flood of problems I’ll see in my inbox, chats, or texts. That heaviness follows me through the day and colors every thought.
Ten Signs I Was Struggling
1. Persistent sadness and silence—I wasn’t myself around anyone.
2. Negative thoughts consumed me; I couldn’t picture anything good in my life.
3. A minor ache or discomfort felt like a fatal illness.
4. Anxiety attacks triggered on the smallest cue: I’d choke, go clammy, feel my heart pound, and lose strength for hours.
5. Sleep eluded me, and when it came, my mind stayed restless.
6. I wallowed in self-pity, convinced no one cared.
7. I snapped at my spouse—even in moments he showed love and support I simply didn’t notice.
8. I was irritated by the tiniest inconveniences.
9. I sought solitude and silence over any social interaction.
10. When given a choice, I gravitated toward sadness rather than happiness.
I know these may seem “minor” compared to others’ struggles, but experiencing them day after day was brutal. Well-meaning advice like “just think positive” felt impossible when my mind was the battleground.
The Turning Point
I realized I’d forgotten to lean on the Lord. One morning I stopped trying to fix everything by myself. I opened my Bible and began praying earnestly, asking God for guidance, peace, and the strength to trust Him above my own understanding.
Little by little, a calm replaced my fear. I rediscovered joy in small things: a quiet sunrise, my spouse’s smile, a good cup of coffee. My faith deepened through these promises:
> Proverbs 3:5-6
> “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
> Matthew 11:28-30
> “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
Now, when I face a challenge—whether it’s a health scare or business worry—I pray first. I ask God to handle what I cannot and to grant me perspective. Once, overwhelmed by anxiety over my business, I whispered,
> “Lord, take this worry and give me peace.”
Moments later I received a clear message confirming it was time to give up one of my AirBnb Condo. My initial panic faded into relief as I recognized God’s answer to my prayer.
Moving Forward
Today I still face setbacks, but I do so with a heart anchored in faith. I:
- Surrender worries I can’t solve.
- Seek His blessing in every decision.
- Remind myself that His understanding surpasses mine.
And when the weight of life feels too much, I come back to these simple truths: I am not alone, and His peace is available to me—always.
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God’s Answer Went Beyond My Prayers
When I finally surrendered my anxiety to Him, He didn’t just ease my fear—He removed its source. The business that had been draining my peace was taken away, and in that moment I felt an unexpected lightness. I stopped clinging to my own plans because I trusted God had something far better in store. Without hesitation, I closed it down—and I’ve never looked back.
I’ve learned that God’s answers often arrive in unexpected ways and perfect timing. We simply need to open our eyes, minds, and hearts to recognize His work. No matter how hard we chase after what we think we need, if it isn’t in His plan, it will slip through our fingers—because He already has something better designed for us.
A Word to Anyone Struggling
I know how excruciating the battle with anxiety and disappointment can be. But shifting our focus toward genuine sources of joy—and above all, seeking the Lord first—can transform everything. As Matthew 6:33 reminds us:
“Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.”
Pursuing a simpler life, free from relentless earthly desires, has brought me lasting peace and contentment. In today’s fast-paced world, we often chase “must-haves” that leave us more restless and hollow.
Lean on Community
• Don’t be afraid to reach out to close friends or family. There’s nothing to lose—and everything to gain—from shared counsel.
• For those around others in pain: offer a listening ear, a kind word, or a simple check-in. Your support can be a lifeline.
You Are Not Alone
Mental health struggles don’t discriminate by age or circumstance. If you or someone you love is in crisis, please reach out right away:
Philippines – National Center for Mental Health Crisis Hotline: 0917-899-USAP (8727)
USA – Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: 988
UK & Ireland – Samaritans: +44 8457 90 90 90
Help is always available. Trust that God sees your need—and He knows the path to your healing.
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